Yesterday I read upsetting news (one of many) about a young woman in her early twenties who committed suicide. And it just broke my heart. It's not easy being a human being.
I was writing about being forty. My writing is a spontaneous thought really. And the demise of this young woman made me feel that any of us can give up along the way. We do metaphorically. And some of us do, literally.
Forty. My friend at school or at uni either have turned 40 or are going to. Some aren't talking about it. Like a silent right of passage that goes deaf mute and invisible. Others refer to it as an obligatory visceral life awakening phenomenon. Or,
Life crisis. Awakening. Apex. Culmination. Internal revolution. Any other day.
It is what it is. Or what you want it to be.
40 a number.
5. 17. 24. 31, 40. 48. 55, 62, 77.82. 93.104.
Yet they punctuate a phase, a stage, a season, a process.
Frankly, It makes me realize how mortal I am. How much I've learned from my:
Teens- full of question marks, love letters, poetry and adventure.
Twenties- overworked and stressed and courageous to take a leap to follow my soul callings. From Heartbreak to Growing up.
Thirties -with purging out toxic people and energy sucking circumstances that dim my spirit. A mega death and an epic rebirth. Diverse enriching experiences. New raw friendships. Collided into my life partner.
I am full of myself within myself. I'd love it to be even more so every day.
Here's my wish for you at any age, transition or life crisis:
May you feel free to change your mind and have all the courage in the world to go for what your soul desires. because in the course of your life your goals and dreams can change and they will. What you thought mattered and gave it your all won't anymore. You're free to change. Guilt free.
May you trust yourself when you're in chaos, transition, and change. May you take every experience that comes your way as an opportunity of getting to know yourself better. Find a time to laugh about it particularly when life becomes too darn serious.
May it be clear to you what drama you're responsible for and what drama belongs to others.
May you believe in your dreams and go for them, may you be with those who get you and show you it's possible. Find those people because you've got to be surrounded by great vibes to brave some storms. May you have the courage of creating loving boundaries with those who don't believe in you- specially the closest.
May you know that the choices you make are you. If they didn't feel like you so far or if they were not so great choices you can start right away again. It happens to all of us. Life's an experience. No one is grading you.
May you know that you're an active part in your joy. And when your cup is filled you can fill others cup too.
May you see that all the wealth you need in this world is your health and that everything you set to do depends on that.
May you see doubt, depression, sadness, anger, pain, heartbreak, grief as a signal that you're alive, that you've got feelings and that you've got to listen to you and what your needs are at the moment. Dark days are an opportunity for deep truthful revelations. Your dissatisfaction is a signal of your needs and desires. You're waking up to something so open your eyes, your ears, and soul. Wide open.
May you see the distinction between giving up and giving in and that you often need to dance between both for a breakthrough. And that even if it's hard it can come with ease (not easiness, ease). And even if it's hard there's still joy.
You will be called on to expand and take a stand and root for yourself. Answer the call. Stay true. And, when you do expand, it might upset others and the order of things- expand anyways.
It's for the greater good of all.
May you feel at home within your body and yourself.
May you love and feel loved every step of your way. May you allow the love in. May it embalm you.
May you fall in love with who you are because you've got a long way to go with yourself and because your own self-love will transform you.
And so it is.