Feeling lost, dissatisfied and angry may take a toll on your soul, heart, mind and body.
You know that moment when you think:
“ When will this difficult time end?”
“ Why is their life better than mine?”
“ Why is everyone ok and I’m not?”
“ Why me?”
Truth is: no one’s life is better. I know, it’s difficult to comprehend that when you’re feeling life is so unfair. Hear me out though. Their life is in a different stage. A different cycle. A different season.
We all are experiencing a different stage of the same life cycle.
My work connects me to women, men and even organisations in transition (companies are made out of humans and feelings too), and over and over I’ve witnessed their change falling into similar patterns. I’ve also been through these cycles myself and it took me some time (years) to capture them into progressing stages. Here they are:
The Cycle of Overdrive.
You seem to have numbed yourself to what’s going on. You’re running through the motions. You feel you’re doing stuff without passion. You prefer to do than to stop. To settle rather than speak your truth. Cos you don’t know where you can go from there. You don’t know what you should do. No time for pause. No time for breaks. You just keep going. You catch yourself not being present. Not listening to people. You may not notice you’re in the cycle of overdrive until…
The Cycle of Turbulence.
In this cycle, you’re frustrated. You’re lost. You’re angry at the world. You’re constantly complaining. You even cry yourself to sleep. Nothing seems to help. You feel stuck, alone and broken (even if you’re not but that’s how you feel).
This is the most painful cycle.
It hurts you physically.
You may have difficulties sleeping.
You’re easily triggered by people and situations.
Nothing seems like it will help.
This is where your fears, self-doubts and anxieties consume you.
You’ve got big questions. No answers.
This is where you struggle with letting go.
You can’t stand the way things are.
That’s where you realise that you can’t take it anymore.
That’s when we break down. Burn out. Get depressed. Want out.
Something needs to change.
That’s the cycle we all dread being in. It’s dramatic. It’s intense.
We feel we lack resources and operate from a place of scarcity and not having enough/not being enough.
The good news is: the cycle of destruction inspires for change. You don’t really know how. You can’t really see it in the dark place you’re in right now but your ever growing dissatisfaction leads the way forward. And that’s where you enter…
The Cycle of Feeling Nauseated.
You get so sick and tired of being dissatisfied and whiny. You just can’t stand that you’re a victim. You’ve been repeating how sick and tired you are to everyone (to your friends, family and that random stranger).
You’re sick and tired of being so sick and tired.
There’s a bit of self loathing here but that’s where you shake yourself, wipe your tears, channel your frustration and say, “This is my life and I’m going to make a change.” That’s where you hop on…
The cycle of self-reflection and Going In.
You may be more quiet than usual. You’re processing thoughts and feelings. You need that silence to listen to your own voice. You don’t want to be distracted, so you move away from others chatter. You’re more observant of yourself and others. Your self awareness gets sharper.
That’s a cycle we often rush or don’t allow time to feel our feelings and acknowledge them.That’s when you start noticing what needs to stay in your life and what needs to go. And once that’s clear, you storm in full force into…
The Cycle of Destruction and Creating Space.
You throw everything out. Spring clean: people, situations, behaviours, destructive habits, objects, old letters, your mailbox and phone messages.
In this cycle you leave school, switch jobs, divorce, change your lifestyle, let go of toxic relationships, develop boundaries, move to another country.
Whatever the change, it’s radical.You’re shedding that old skin.
It’s a different version of your life. It feels bolder. More like you.
You burn. You destroy. You purge. You throw. You give. You create space.
It’s your life, your terms.
We feel a little better during the Cycle of Destruction because we’re finally taking ownership of our life.
I experienced this when I quit my job in my 20’s. Also, when I let go of dysfunctional relationships. We need a lot of support during this cycle. More deep talks. More connection. We need to verbalize our new ideas. We need to listen to our new found self talking about our new life philosophy. We need more sleep and better physical and emotional nourishment. We crave being with supportive andlike-minded communities and friends. An that’s when we birth…
The Cycle of Growth and Expansion.
In this phase, you rebuild. You learn. You expand your horizons. Faith fills up your lungs. It’s exciting. Wind blowing in your hair. You know deep down you’re on the right track and you may not see the results of change externally but your life finally feels like your own. Your internal satisfaction is high.
That’s the cycle when you kickstart a business, enter a new relationship, go back to study, dive into a passion project, discover your spirituality, explore a new hobby, start a family, say yes to stuff you’ve always wanted to say yes to.
That’s when you catch yourself saying: “this feels good so I’ll go for it” and “this doesn’t sit well with me, so it’s a hell no.”
That’s a powerful cycle of creativity and self discovery.
You feel resourceful. You’re curious. You’re solution oriented.
That’s when you learn new things about the person you want to become. You feel courageous and that leads you to…
The cycle of Mastery & Feeling in Sync with Yourself.
This is the cycle when you wake up and say, “I’m exactly where I want to be”. ” I am who I want to be”. You feel the internal and external success.
That comes with ease. You’re fluid. You’re on top of things.
When you’re in this magical cycle, enjoy it. Full On. Indulge. Practice gratitude. Appreciate where you are. Acknowledge who you are. Take everything in. Because guess what comes next? the cycle of Overdrive. This time around you’re better equipped to go through the storm.
Your Life is made of Cycles and Seasons.
You may experience a cycle in one area of your life or you may feel it hitting all of you.
You may swing in between cycles or get stuck in one.
You may be moving quickly or slowly.
There’s no right or wrong.
There’s no maximum time or minimum time in each cycle. It solely depends on you and your ability to “digest” that phase you’re in to move on to the other.
Use these cycles of life to raise your awareness on who you are and what you desire.
Knowing where you are in your life cycle will allow you to be more present to your experience versus feeling like a looser or victim.
I’m currently going through a new stage of Turbulence. And I keep asking myself:
What am I learning about myself?
What am I dissatisfied with?
What am I holding on to?
What’s a truth I find hard to accept?
What do I desire more of /less of?
What can I do to experience more of what I want?
We will always keep circling back through these cycle of life in different areas of our life with different degrees of complexity and severity.
Just being fully aware to your experience gives you a sense of comfort and that comfort will allow you to experience a certain sense of freedom. The freedom to relax, to be present and to trust you are doing all you can in your current stage.
I’d love to hear from you:
Which cycle are you in?
What are you learning about yourself?
What are strategies that are working for you?
What’s a truth you’ve been sitting on?
We’re in this together.
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